Just hours after announcing that they are to split for a second time, Orbital, a.k.a. Phil and Paul Hartnoll, have entered crisis talks about this year’s Christmas dinner.
The talks, which are taking place in the Hartnoll family home in Sevenoaks, Kent, England, will be overseen by family arbitrator and mother Jemima Hartnoll.
We caught up with the Jemima to get the inside scoop on the talks earlier today, “Christmas dinner has always been a big deal in the Hartnoll family household, the two boys are always eager to help and very competitive but we’ve only got a little kitchen and there just isn’t space for all of us to be in there at the same time.”
“I don’t think my boys have ever heard of the expression ‘too many cooks spoil the broth,'” claimed the independent mediator. “Maybe I should show them that video of Steve Aoki, Laidback Luke and Sander van Doorn together in a DJ box and use the analogy ‘too many DJs spoil the mix,'” she continued with a chuckle.
“For years it’s been a Christmas tradition in our house that Phil helps me cook the dinner and Paul helps his dad do the dessert and wash the dishes,” revealed Mrs. Hartnoll. “Phil’s always been the more creative brother and it’s been brilliant having him help me with the dinner, honestly, you’ve never tried a brussel sprout until you’ve tried one of our Phil’s, they’re out of this world.”
“But this latest split has the boys bickering and now Phil is saying he wants to do the desert this year,” explained Jemima. “I’m not trying to sound bad or ungrateful for the help but Paul just isn’t cut out for dinner duties, he’s hardly even mastered the potato peeler and I’m getting too old to be carrying him in the kitchen so we’re going to need to come to a settlement soon.”
“It’s early days but the talks are going well so far. If I was to describe the atmosphere as an Orbital track I’d say it was very Chimey,” explained Jemima. “But I know what my boys are like. It’ll only take one snide comment about somebody forgetting to turn off the flange at Glastonbury 1999 to darken the mood into more of an I Don’t Know You People kind of vibe.”
“Hopefully we’ll reach an agreement as a family soon so I’ll know what size turkey I’m going to need,” concluded Jemima positively.
According to family friends Phil Hartnoll has indicated that he is willing to find an amicable settlement to the current dispute.
“I don’t care what anyone says, I’m doing dessert this year,” stated a grumpy Phil Hartnoll during a brief break from the talks. “It’s got nothing to do with getting one over on my brother I just have a lovely creme brulee recipe that I want to try out. I’m still willing to help with the dinner but I won’t be doing any dishes.”
“I’ve already told Paul that if he lets me do dessert he can put his glasses on top of the tree and open the twenty fourth window on the advent calender, even though it’s my turn this year, but he’s just being awkward. I’m going to offer him first choice from my selection box too but I won’t be going any further than that.”
Talks between the Hartnoll brothers are currently still on-going. Wunderground will bring you the latest developments as they happen.
