Parents Who Bring Children To Festivals To Have Their Kids Taken Away

A new initative aimed at curbing the amount of ditsy parents bringing face painted naked toddlers to festivals looks set to take off this summer and completely devastate the numbers of kids at festivals by simply removing the children from the care of those parents.

Although bringing a child to a festival can be viewed as one of the bravest and terrifying things a person can do in their lives it can also be equally regarded as one of the most irresponsible and annoying things they can do because it exposes children to drugs and alcohol and Mumford and Sons.

“Even though there’s flashing lights, brightly dressed people and face painting children should not be allowed into festivals and the parents need to know that, it’s not safe,” claimed one gig goer who described himself as firmly against children ruining his buzz. “I want to bump ket in peace and when I drop acid I don’t want to have to return to my campsite to the sound of a baby crying in the night.”

“I don’t know why people expose their children to that or take it upon themselves to bring the child, it’s like having to escort breathlessly energetic drunk friend around for the day except at least your drunk friend will mercifully pass out,” he added. “Unlike the coca cola addled child who’ll probably be up the front at Fatboy Slim getting mooched by out of it women who will want to keep him.”

Most people interviewed are of the belief that a high octane music festival where people will be snorting drugs and fingering each other is no place to bring a child, even if you keep them on a leash and gamely wear an entertaining costume and have your face painted.

“I don’t see anything wrong with it, it’s a safe public environment where a child can experience loads of amazing things like drunk people fingering each other, grown women vomiting into their hair and countless people wide eyed with drugs doing keys of ket,” claimed one mother who says she brings her four year old to festivals all the time. “It’s great, everyone at the festival is essentially your babysitter so you can really let your hair down safe in the knowledge that your kid will probably be alright.”

The new plan however will prevent people from bringing children under the age of 8 to any festivals and those hippies who do will risk losing their children.