Audience members at a recent “gig” by hotel heiress Paris Hilton got a nasty surprise when Paris was revealed to be using fake robotic arms to pretend she was DJing until they fell off midway through the set.
It is believed that Ms. Hilton was using the fake hands, which were controlled by an unseen DJ backstage, so that the audience members would be fooled into believing that she was actually performing the basic DJ skills like mixing, beatmatching and general fader twiddling.
Paris, who last year decided to stop dancing behind DJs and try actually being one, has been caught using outside help for her DJ sets before when a bespectacled JJ Abrams lookalike helped her adjust the levels at a show in Brazil.
Following that photo’s release it is suspected that the team who own the Paris Hilton brand decided to employ the state of the art DJ hands for all future shows, with last night’s show being the first time that they’ve malfunctioned live on stage.
“One minute she was DJing like normal, posing and vogueing for the audience over a string of candy EDM hits,” described one witness, “when out of nowhere her hand falls off, lands on a the fader and totally shuts off the music.”
“People started screaming immediately thinking that her hand had somehow just fallen off,” he added. “They screamed even louder when it moved.”
Witnesses claim that Paris, seen her poorly performing the DJ skill of looking into a camera, then rushed off stage clutching the robot hand in her other robot hand, but in her rush to exit the embarrassing situation she mistakenly caught her high heel on a curtain which was ripped down to reveal a shocked looking Afrojack hunched over a remote control – “when he looked up and saw everyone he just hid behind the mixing desk until the lights went out”.
A spokesperson for Paris was quick to play down the blatantly fake mixing by saying that “Paris is perfectly able to mix but she was waiting for her nails to dry so used the robot hands for just the first hour of her hour long set” and insisting that she paid “over 300k of her fans money getting her nails done especially for the show”.
“Afrojack wasn’t secretly ghost performing the set for her,” continued the spokesperson. “He was only there to stalk Paris because she dumped him after the whole Eminem debacle, it’s pathetic really.”
Fans in attendance however remain unconvinced with one claiming that Paris had been behaving strangely throughout the entire show. “You could tell that it was the hands in control and not her,” explained a fan.
“There were times when you could see that Paris wanted to scratch her ear or her vagina during the set and you could see her trying unsuccessfully to get the hands to move to scratch her vagina, which was presumably itchy from some kind of yeast infection.”
“I distinctly remember her looking distressed and motioning with her neck to someone at the side of the stage until a guy came over and scratched her vagina for her, quite vigorously. Like, about for about ten seconds. It looked like she was purring for the duration,” he concluded. “It was then that I knew she was using robot hands that someone else was controlling, or she was so removed from normal human behaviour that she has specially hired goons who scratch her fanny for her.”
