Paris Hilton has announced that she is to form a triumvirate of shite with fellow EDM time wasters Dimitri Vegas and Like Mike at a string of shows in Las Vegas later this year.
Hilton spoke about the announcement earlier today, “I’m really excited that I get to work with Dimitri Vegas and Like Mike. They’re so hot.”
“I’m looking forward to getting in the middle of those two guys and getting my hands all over the knobs, I love nothing more than tweaking a hot, hard knob with my hands,” claimed Hilton. “Working with more than one guy at a time is so hot.”
“In the future I’d like to work with larger groups of guys too maybe Major Lazer or even Visionquest,” she said while sliding forward on her seat and omitting the smell of an un-maintained harbour. “Just thinking about working with all those guys makes me so hot,” she added before requesting dry underwear from her personal assistant.
Hilton claims working with large groups of men is nothing new to her stating the she once ‘took care’ of all members of boyband One Direction and that she ‘got down’ with the entire panel of the Baltimore Ravens after their successful Super Bowl season of 2013.
Hilton also recently claimed to be one of the worlds top 5 DJs, although a source close to the hotel heiress has revealed that this obvious mistake was down to a numeracy deficiency rather than over confidence.
“Paris doesn’t really think she’s one of the top five DJs in the world, I mean she’s dumb but she’s not that dumb,” claimed the anonymous source. “The problem is that she hasn’t progressed past counting on one hand so every time she makes a numerical reference it’s on a scale of one to five.”
“We’ve been trying to help Paris get beyond her first hand when counting for years now,” added the source. “But every time she tries to learn she gets really excited by the phallic nature of her fingers and she usually just ends up sucking on her fist.”
