Paris Hilton’s lastest single Come Alive is proving to be popular amongst the world’s deaf population.
The hotel heiress’s latest attempt to crack the music industry has so far proved to be unsuccessful with the track reaching a high of two million four hundred and fifty six thousand three hundred and fifty seventh on the Beatport chart.
Despite this incredibly low chart position Hilton has managed to sell eighteen copies of the song, with fourteen of those being purchased by men between the ages of seventeen and thirty four who are either fully deaf or hearing impaired, while another three were bought ironically and the final one bought by mistake by one gentleman who was intending to buy Paris’s sex tape – having seen her name and the word ‘come’ in the title and becoming confused.
Mike Angello, who bought a copy of the single last week and is completely deaf, spoke to Wunderground about his latest acquisition, “Even though I’m deaf I still love music and if I was to pick one celebrity who I really love it would have to be Paris Hilton, especially since her sex tape came out, so I decided to combine my two loves and bought some of her music.”
“It’s a great wanking aid,” continued Mr. Angello. “Instead of hearing sound I feel vibrations in my ear and the sound quality on Paris’s sex tape just isn’t good enough for me to really pick the noise up properly. Sure she’s still naked in the video and getting nailed but after ten years of wanking without any ear vibrations it just gets boring.”
“I’ve tried putting other music on while watching the video, I’ve even had the sound from other porn playing full blast but knowing it’s not actually Paris making the noise ruins the moment,” he sensitively continued. “Now I can play the single while I’m cracking one out to the video and get full and authentic ear vibrations, ever since I bought it I’ve been wanking like a sixteen year old again.”
“You can hardly even see the floor in my bedroom anymore with all the jizz encrusted toilet paper on it and I owe that all to Paris. She truly is inspirational, when it comes to wanking.”
Critics of Hilton’s latest release have held no punches, with one calling it the “most auto tuned track ever” while others have referred to it as “aids for you ears” and “a polished turd in a basket of diamonds”.
