A self confessed party animal has confirmed that he hopes Britain stays in the EU so he can continue to use the excuse of “foreigners taking all of the jobs” to legitimise his unemployment.
Paul Jones, twenty three, supports his partying by selling small amounts of drugs to friends and acquaintances at the weekend and believes a “normal Monday to Friday job” would seriously affect his chosen lifestyle.
“I really couldn’t care less if Britain leaves, stays or whatever and, if I’m being totally honest, I don’t even know what a Brexit is,” explained Jones during a catch up with Wunderground. “But my dad’s very passionate about it and he keeps saying that if we get out of Europe there’ll be plenty of jobs for me and all the other young people who are out of work around here.”
“The last thing I want in my life right now is a job,” continued Jones. “I’ve got a pretty sweet deal at the moment. I live at home for free, get my giro and I’m making a nice few quid from selling bits and pieces to my mates. That gives me enough money to be able to party every weekend from Friday right through until Monday morning, then, when everyone else is going to college or work, I’m going home to bed to sleep for three days.”
“There’s no way my dad would let me away with that if there were plenty of jobs out there, he’d kick me out of the house, call me a lazy bollox and tell me all about how he had three jobs when he was my age,” claimed the young dealer. “I’m just lucky that he’s so racist he doesn’t even notice that there are plenty of jobs out there. I just don’t want to do them, no English people do.”
“Every time he asks me if I’ve got a job yet I just make up with some story about the queue of foreigners down the job center or how another factory in Yeovil has closed down and he just goes off on a rant,” revealed Jones. “I feel quite bad because it definitely stresses him out but it keeps his anger pointed at immigrants and not at me so I’m happy enough to keep things as they are for the time being. I know what way I’ll be voting.”
