American singer and record producer Pharrell Williams is due to hit puberty any day now, it has emerged.
Williams, forty two, is currently the oldest prepubescent male on the planet and is due to have hormonal treatment later this week, which that will give him a helping hand on his way to becoming a man.
“We’ve got Mr. Williams booked in for intensive testosterone treatment tomorrow morning,” claimed Dr. Alexander White of Los Angeles’s leading hormonal therapy clinic. “Usually it’s a procedure that we carry out on women who are undergoing gender reassignment but Pharrell is just looking to give puberty a kick start, normally we wouldn’t do it for a prepubescent but seen as Pharrell is in his forties, and rich, we decided to make an exception to the rule.”
According to friend’s of the singer, Pharrell is sick of having a “little girl’s voice” and the “face of a teenager” and is hoping that the hormonal treatment will advance his journey into manhood.
“Pharrell’s sick of sounding and looking like a twelve year old,” claimed BFF and wing man Robin Thicke. “So he’s decided to treat himself to some hormonal treatment as an early Christmas present. If it all goes according to plan his balls could have started to drop before the new year.”
“Once that happens he’ll probably lose some of his vocal range but that’s a small price to pay for the ability to grow a beard,” continued the Blurred Lines singer. “I don’t really think he’s worried about it all, it’s not like he chooses to sing like someone who has their nuts caught in a mouse trap, it’s just the way his voice comes out. Who knows, we could be looking at the next Barry White when his voice breaks. It’s an exciting time for him.”
Thicke also confirmed that Williams plans on taking a short break from music at the beginning of next year in a bid to catch up on “twenty odd years” of wanking.
