Ibiza party town Playa d’en Bossa is to be unveiled as the “EDM Capital of Europe” in 2017, with David Guetta and Hardwell both included on the board of council members following a huge restructure in the direction the island is going, according to sources within local government.
The town which was once regarded as the “perfect party destination” for serious ravers, due to being the home of Space and Bora Bora, is now expected to be overrun with spoilt brat-teenage EDM fans looking to receive a “face full of cake” whilst “raging” to some “hard bass”.
“This is brilliant news,” said sixteen year old American schoolboy, Brodie Langston. “My parents are hiring a seventeen million dollar yacht for the summer and allowing me and ten of my high school bros to come along. Europe won’t know what’s hit it when we arrive. Come August, I intend to be as deep in bass as I am in pussy. You know what I’m saying?”
Wunderground managed to speak with Diego Alves, the insider who has leaked the information, “There’s no hiding it, this is going to happen,” he confirmed giddily. “We aim to get rid of the Ants from Ushuaïa, we don’t want any trace of deep house or techno in the vicinity, due to it’s horrible reputation as a ‘working class’ sound. It’s basically music for poor people. We only want high end, rich-bitch music from now on. We also want to close down Sankeys as it resembles a squat for homeless people. We anticipate it’ll be turned into luxury flats for Paris Hilton and her friends to use sparingly.”
“We just need to ensure it’s twenty four seven EDM in Playa d’Den Bossa from now on as that’s where the big bucks are,” continued Diego. ”It has been suggested we can change the name of the town. Something along the lines of Playa EDM Bossa or EDM d’en Bossa – or going all out and calling it EDM EDM EDM, however this is still in early stages.”
