Shocking news emerging from America this morning has revealed that Political Correctness has been committed to a mental institution.
Sources close to Political Correctness have revealed that the ideology suffered a total mental breakdown after the German DJ Alex Niggemann was asked to change his name by SFX Entertainment ahead of an upcoming North American tour.
While the details of Political Correctness’ condition have not been made public, it is understood that he faces a “lengthly stay” in the institution until a full psychiatric profile and assessment have been made.
Gender Equality, a close friend of Political Correctness, spoke to Wunderground earlier today, “I hate to say it but this had been on the cards for years now. Everyone knows that Political Correctness has been slowly going mad,” explained Gender Equality before correcting herself because it’s no longer acceptable to use the word mad in this context. “Everyone knows Political Correctness has had mental health issues for years now, he hasn’t really been happy since the 80s. I guess the Alex Niggemann thing was just the straw that broke the camel’s back.”
Bruce McMorrow, a spokesperson for SFX Entertainment, explained the company’s stance, “We are really keen to have Mr. Niggemann come and play at our events.”
“You see he’s German and everyone knows that, as well as being good at soccer, Germans are good at techno, but unfortunately his name is only one ‘r’ away from being something very offensive. If someone who was a little hard of hearing heard someone say Mr. Niggemann’s name they could mistake it for the n-word and we really don’t want that to happen,” claimed Mr. McMorrow, “because they could be accidentally offended and then they probably wouldn’t give us their money.”
“We’ve given Mr. Niggemann a number of possible alternative monikers, like Alex N-Bomberman or Alexicii but so far he has refused to work with us at all,” revealed the spokesperson. “Unless a reasonable alternative can be found I really don’t think there’s any way to accommodate the shows.”
So far Alex Niggemann has refused to make any changes to his name claiming “it’s just what [he’s] called” and that people are “too sensitive for their own good”.
Meanwhile Political Correctness’ condition is set to worsen after SFX Entertainment issued a statement to all artists due to play at their upcoming festivals asking for all lyrics containing the words trigger, vigour and snigger to be changed to the t-word, v-word and the s-word respectively, in a bid to eradicate accidental offensiveness from music.
