Addressing the Vatican press corps a few days ago, Pope Francis, or Frank to his friends, marked a clear stance in papal policy towards the EDM explosion.
Questioned about a possible, “EDM lobby”, inside the Vatican the Pope said, “I have still not seen anyone in the Vatican with an identity card saying they are into EDM.”
“If someone is into house or techno and he searches for the Lord and has goodwill, who am I to judge? The catechism of the Catholic Church explains this very well.”
The Pope, who formerly found work as a lookalike for Bullseye host Jim Bowen, suggested that Catholic dance music fans should express love towards each other and band together to fight the temptation of EDM.
“The problem is not dance music. We must be brothers,” urged Pope Francis, pictured above having just thrown a dart. “The problem is lobbying by corporate interests under this ‘EDM’ banner, it’s lobbies of greedy corporate people cashing in on a neutered, gentrified version of dance music.”
“I remember when I was on a papal trip to Germany as a cardinal. I went into Berghain late on a Sunday night and the place was fucking bonkers. People were off their tits, loving the music and each other. It was very spiritual, very godly. The commercial dance music scene has none of that spiritual fulfillment.”
The pope also suggested a blanket abandonment of the acronym ‘EDM’, “it’s a corporate ploy sponsored by media interests to undermine and homogenize dance music culture for the consumption of middle class mainstream white people. It’s not ‘electronic’ dance music anymore. No longer the house and techno that I used to play for my friends in the seminary. EDM is ‘evil’ dance music.”
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