A young father is reportedly struggling to keep a straight face while having the drug talk with his teenaged son.
Describing himself as a hypocrite and lifelong pot smoker, Steven Malcolm, claims he’s finding it difficult to play the “concerned and strict father when [he] has been smoking dope his whole life and only stopped doing pills after [he] turned 40”.
“The concept of me, a man who pissed himself at Glastonbury in 1994 and got naked on MDMA probably once a year for the last twenty, telling someone else not to take drugs just strikes me as hilarious,” confided Malcolm. “That’s like when America tries to pass itself off as noble while admonishing smaller countries for becoming involved in conflicts, when it is responsible for a hefty percentage of all the wars in the world.”
Malcolm claims that any time he tried to sit down with his son David to explain the dangers of drugs and elaborate on how they’ll ruin his life and leave him picking scabs off his eyeballs in a puddle while a dog shits on your emotions he finds it disingenuous because “that hasn’t happened to me or 99% of the people I know who have experimented with drugs”.
“My son David is 17 now and when I was that age my life mainly revolved around sticking skins and smoking spliffs out my bedroom window,” he added. “I couldn’t in good conscience tell him not to experiment with drugs when they’ve been such a big part of my life.”
Feeling under pressure to play the role of a strict disciplinarian that society demands Steven reckons he’ll just tell his son the truth instead of implanting into him an unnecessary fear of drug experiences.
“Although I will probably tell him about the time I thought was William Shatner for a good five minutes while tripping,” he concluded. “Cause that is hilarious, even those nuns thought so.”
