Promoter Shocked To Discover He’s Not God

A young club promoter who runs a small club night in London recently woke up in a cold sweat when he made the damning realisation that he is not actually God.

Damon Curtis, who has been running his moderately successful, Cunt, clubnight for the last year said he was alarmed and shocked when he made the realisation that, in spite of being a club promoter, he is not an all powerful cosmic deity.

“Well it comes as a massive shock when you make that realisation,” explained Damon. “I’d been thinking for the last six months or so, as the night started to take off, that I was God. Maybe not the God of Christianity fame, but at least one of the C-list gods in the pantheon, like Buddha, Krishna or Coronation Street’s Ken Barlow.”

Damon claims that ascending to godhood wasn’t his intention when he started the night but as it progressed he began to increasingly suspect that he was a deity.

“Almost immediately after I put the night on I started to feel better than everyone else. People knew my name and I didn’t know theirs. And if I did know their names I simply pretended not to, it was brilliant.”

“For a long time I thought I was God,” explained Damon. “I couldn’t remember being a supreme being responsible for creating an entire cosmos in an instant who interferes in the lives of mortals, but I had started this wicked club night and had the power to bestow guest list on people so I figured they’re pretty much the same thing so it could be possible.”

“I’m sure if god were here today instead of wasting his time building universes he’d be putting on clubnights at which he could sycophantically glad-hand prima-donna DJs, pose in the DJ booth and act superior while he talks down to ordinary punters.”

“Just because I’m essentially a glorified event manager doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t be fawned over and worshipped like I mattered in the big scheme of things,” he concluded.