A local nightclub promoter, who sold out his latest show, has been treated for shock after being confronted by a support DJ who expected to be paid for his set.
Ian Styles, owner of Plymouth’s eleventh most popular deep house clubnight, Strictly Stylish, was rushed to Derriford Hospital, where he is believed to be in a “stable condition”.
According to Martin Barnes, a janitor at Derriford Hospital, Mr Styles’s condition was “touch and go” and the promoter has the hospital’s staff to thank for his life.
“As a hospital janitor you pick up quite a lot of useless medical knowledge and I can safely say that the bloke they brought in from the nightclub was definitely nearly dead,” claimed Barnes. “The nurses saved his life, the only way to treat shock is to stick an index finger up the patient’s bum, actually I think that’s how you make a dog relax it’s jaw, but either way, the nurses did a great job.”
Witness reports from the nightclub suggest that Mr Styles “collapsed like a twin tower” after a short chat with one of the support DJs.
“I don’t know what that DJ said to Ian,” said close friend Mel Banks, “but whatever it was, it came as a real shock to poor old Stylesy, he went down quicker than a party girl in a room full of blokes with bags of ket. I hope he’s going to be alright.”
Wunderground also spoke to Scott Greene, the support DJ, “That prick’s pulled the old ‘I’m going into shock’ routine again. That’s the fifth time he’s been treated for shock this year. If this club was in London it would have been shut down ages ago thanks to all the ambulances he has called to it, I’ll be paying him a little visit in the hospital tomorrow to get what I’m owed, the scabby prick.”
According to hospital staff, Mr Styles suffered temporary amnesia as a side effect to his shock, which lasted for the duration of visiting hours the day after he was admitted to hospital.
