A maverick sound engineer from Dublin, Ireland, has managed to get an even better sound out of a Funktion-One sound system by fitting the speakers inside a giant custom made glass.
Michael O’Reilly claims to have come up with the idea after seeing friends amplify the sound of a mobile phone speaker by putting the phone into a pint glass at a recent house party.
“It’s the same principle as pitting an iPhone in a pint glass to make it sound better,” explained O’Reilly. “I’ve been to college to study sound waves and science and shit like that but you don’t have to be an academic to know that glass has magical properties that help make music sound louder and better.”
“I had the glass custom made to fit the speaker stacks, it was an expensive process because we had to have all the glass imported from a very famous glass mine in Australia. It’s where all of the world’s most magical glass comes from,” continued Mr. O’Reilly convincingly. “It’s the same place where they get bulletproof glass and that fancy glass what has a mirror on one side and a window on the other. It’s top quality stuff.”
“I’ve been testing the new and improved sound system all day and it’s really fucking loud,” continued O’Reilly enthusiastically. “If you turn it down to a seven or eight it sounds like it used to sound at ten so if you turn it up to ten it sounds like a twelve or thirteen. The most I ever heard before was that band Spinal Tap from the eighties whose speakers used to go all the way to eleven so at an unofficial twelve or thirteen I probably have the best sound system in the world.”
“I’ve had a ringing in my ears ever since I first turned them on. Some people say when you hear ringing in your ears you’ll never hear that frequency again but that’s a load of bollox,” claimed the knowledgeable sound engineer. “Ir’s actually your ears screaming with pleasure so the more they ring the better the sound.”
Since going to press Mr. O’Reilly has been forced to remove the giant glass speaker housing after a number of clubbers were admitted to hospital with temporary deafness.
