A raver who was feeling “a little delicate” today after a full weekend’s partying has given himself third degree burns to his finger after trying to dunk a “disco biscuit” into a cup of boiling tea.
Paul Reid, who is believed to have gone out on Friday night and arrived home shortly before lunch time today, was treated for burns in Birmingham’s Queen Elizabeth Hospital.
Wunderground spoke to the eighteen year old philosophy student earlier, “I was in a right state when I got home this afternoon. The only sleep I’d had all weekend was twenty minutes on the bus on my way home so all I wanted to was go to bed but my mum kept trying to talk to me, it was horrible.”
“I’d told her I was going to a philosophy seminar in Wolverhampton for the weekend, but I was really just at my mate Jamie’s free house, and she had a million questions for me when I got in,” explained Paul. “She made me a cup of tea and started to ask me if I’d learned anything. All I could think of was ‘who am I and what am I doing here?’ which coincidentally is pretty much ninety percent of what I’ve learned as a philosophy student anyway.”
“I think that song My Head Is A Jungle must have been written about times like these because I felt like I had a couple of hundred monkeys shitting all over my brain,” he continued. “My mum asked me If I wanted a biscuit and before I knew what I was saying or doing I said ‘no I’m ok I’ve got one here’, pulled my last pinger out of my pocket and dunked it straight into the boiling hot cup of tea.”
“Luckily my mum didn’t see the disco biscuit because she was in the kitchen when it happened,” he said with a sigh of relief, “Otherwise I would have had burnt fingers and a fat ear from the slap she would have given me. My head was so far up my arse that I hardly even felt the pain, it was only when I seen the blisters that I realised I’d better go get my hand seen to.”
“Still though, it was a great weekend, well worth a bit of finger pain,” he said, seeing the silver lining. “The only bad things are I lost my last Garry and I won’t be able to roll any spliffs for a couple of days and I could really use one now but at least I’ll get to take a few days of college and I won’t have to pretend I actually go in.”