An unlucky raver has been left in a distraught state after spending all of his “weekend money” on e-cigarettes, only to discover they contain no “actual E’s”.
David Ellis made the fatal mistake early this morning after seeing a sign advertising half price e-cigarettes at his local shop in Nuneaton, Warwickshire. He explained his predicament, “I couldn’t believe it when I seen the ad this morning, ciggies and E’s are two of my favourite things in the whole world so I just had to buy them.”
“I just collected my giro so I had over sixty pound to spend and I decided I’d blow it all on the e-ciggs thinking I’d be able to sell some of them at a party later on tonight,” explained the twenty nine year old social welfare recipient. “I felt like a kid in a sweet shop or Will.i.am looking through someone’s back catalogue, I had to have them all.”
“I was proper made up, thinking to myself ‘you’ve hit the jackpot here lad’ the whole way back to my house,” he continued. “Then I got in and showed them to my flat mate Denis and he just laughed, told me there was no E in them and said ‘I hope you kept your receipt’, only I didn’t, I rolled it up in a ball and threw it at that bastard dog at the top of my street that keeps barking at me, worst thing is, I didn’t even hit him.”
“I’m gutted now, I’ve not felt this bad since the time I got myself all worked up about receiving my first email or when I discovered K-mart was just a normal shop,” he downheartedly continued. “It’s blatant false advertisement if you ask me. E’s have been around a lot longer than e-cigarettes, they should have called themselves leccy-smokes or these-might-not-kill-you-as-quick-as-real-fags-fags or anything a little less confusing than e-cigarettes.”
“I had big plans for this weekend too,” revealed Mr. Ellis, “My mate Billy’s parents are away and we were going to have a proper ‘tops off’ rave around his house later on but I’ll be lucky if I’m even able to afford a bit of meow meow at this stage,” admitted the clearly devastated man.
An anonymous source close to Mr. Ellis has revealed that Ellis plans on selling the e-cigarettes to his younger brother, the only man in Warwickshire known to be stupider than he is, at a slightly reduced rate in an attempt to retrieve some of his wasted finances.
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some people.
dolan pls