A recent study from Stanford University has revealed that the lyrics from the Fatboy Slim and Riva Star track, Eat, Sleep, Rave, Repeat, should not be taken as lifestyle advice.
The track, which was released during the summer and also features, Beardyman, was recently remixed by EDM superstar, Calvin Harris. Since the release of Harris’s remix the track has been exposed to a large number of young, suggestible EDM fans, a percentage of whom have been taking the tongue in cheek lyrics literally.
Dr. Bill McKenzie, of the University of Stanford’s Music Department – a hotbed for up and coming EDM producers – spoke about the recent study, “A couple of weeks into the fall semester I noticed a really significant drop in attendance in some of the freshman modules that I teach. I’m quite ‘down with the kids’ and sometimes ‘jam’ on the bass guitar during class or recount stories of how cool it was to be alive in the 60s,” claimed Dr. McKenzie. “So I suspected that the reason for the drop in attendance was to do with the students themselves and totally not a reflection of my reputation as the cool professor,” explained Dr. McKenzie.
“I asked some of the other students if they knew what had happened to the rest of their peers and they told me that some of the freshman ‘EDMers or ‘ravers’ were eating, sleeping, raving and then repeating, in the dorms,'” he continued. “At first I had no idea what they were talking about but I was shocked when I found out. Even more shocked than when I found out that it was “not okay” to have sexual relationships with your students.”
“I tried talking to the students involved to encourage them to come back to lectures but they were adamant that the best thing for their EDM careers was to do exactly what Calvin Harris told them,” he claimed. “So, I decided that the safest course of action for the well being of those students, and for the prestige of my career, was to carry out a study to prove that an encouragement to eat, sleep, rave, and repeat is not sound advice and will probably kill you eventually,” he commented concernedly.
“I contacted the Sociology Department and we arranged to have fifteen students who would do nothing but eat, sleep, rave, and repeat for three weeks which we would observe and then compare to a control group of another fifteen students who would go about their normal routine. We would then be able to assess the damage that the lifestyle had on different aspects of their lives,” he explained. “The results were not surprising at all!
“We found that the students who were on the eat, sleep, rave, and repeat pattern were not performing in any other aspect of their lives. They did however become excellent at raving but their studies were really suffering. They weren’t doing assignments or attending lectures and only a few of the more academically minded students were managing to do some reading while in the eat part of the cycle,” claimed the doctor.
“Their social and sex lives were being negatively affected too. They weren’t coming into contact with anyone outside of their small peer group and by the time it got to the sleep part of their day they were just too tired to spend time with their partners or even masturbate,” posited the doctor. “This is an especially alarming statistic amongst the young men, who would otherwise have spent approximately sixty percent of their spare time in their rooms masturbating themselves to orgasm with their hands, Fleshlights or ‘fuck pillows.'”
“The only plus from the whole experiement was a small improvement in fitness and some slight weight loss but definitely not enough to warrant such a drastic change in lifestyle,” added Dr. McKenzie. “Thankfully after seeing that the other fifteen students were totally outperforming them, most of my truant students have returned to lectures. I really just hope that this is a one off incident. I’d hate to see what would happen if Calvin Harris remixed, Primal Scream’s, Kill All Hippies or even worse, TISM’s, Defecate on My Face.”
I hope these guys recover.
pa hahaaa