Victoria Police have reported a 150% rise in cases of officers missing work through illness during the month of April, coinciding with the purchase of over $67,000 worth of drugs as part of an undercover operation.
According to union officials, the fact that the officers had bought the drugs in the same month as the increase in sick days was merely coincidental and instead blamed the tardiness on a “diarrhea epidemic” currently sweeping the state, particularly on Mondays.
“It’s ludicrous to suggest that these officers have been taking days off because they’ve been dipping into the $67,000 worth of drugs that were purchased by undercover officers in Melbourne this year,” claimed spokesperson Alan Fitzdavid. “Even if over $10,000 worth of those drugs are now unaccounted for, there is no evidence to suggest that any officers were involved in their disappearance. We’re confident that they’ll show up somewhere, eventually.”
Reports suggest that undercover officers within the Victoria Police made thirteen different trips to one popular drug hotspot before they had gathered enough evidence to raid the premises.
“We couldn’t get enough of the gear they were selling at the Railway Hotel,” revealed an undercover officer who wishes to remain nameless. “The had everything, coke, pills, meth and weed. It was like Police training all over again. Some weeks we were in there buying drugs three or even four times.”
“Of course we were never going to keep that pace up,” continued the anonymous officer. “After a couple of months we decided to apply for the paperwork we needed to raid the place. It seemed a pity at the time, we’ve had some great work nights out there this past year but a lot of us were feeling a bit burnt out after all the overtime, I think that’s what must have caused me to have the shits every Monday last month, and all good things have to come to an end sometime so we got on with the job and shut the cunts down.”
In related news, the New South Wales Police are rumoured to have run up a $67,000 Domino’s Pizza bill, just days after a record breaking $5Million weed haul was discovered by officers during a routine vehicle search.
Dibble were always getting loose in here over the last few months. I just wished they hadn’t have insisted on adding to the light shows by waving their torches around willy nilly.
sources?