Royal Family Buy Pioneer DJ In Last Ditch Attempt To Win Scottish DJs’ No Vote

The British Royal family have made an eleventh hour acquisition of Pionerr DJ in an attempt to win Scottish DJs’ no vote in today’s referendum.

A five hundred and fifty million pound deal was concluded late last night which sees the Royal Family take control of eighty five percent of Pioneer DJ with the remaining fifteen percent staying in the hands of the Japanese electronics company.

The Royal Family are now threatening to break all of Pioneer’s previous supply lines with Scotland if the result of today’s independence referendum is yes. A move which would leave Scotland’s DJs, who make up about forty percent of the population, with restricted options when buying new equipment.

Archibald Reginald Albert Corruthers Blythe II, a spokesperson for the Royal Family, explained the situation, “The Acquisition of Pioneer DJ was not just a tool to blackmail Scottish DJs into voting no in today’s referendum, although, it was a major factor in the decision to buy. It was also a jolly good business opportunity and as you’ll already know William is quite a keen DJ, there’s nothing he likes better than spinning a bit of Prince or Queen on the old ones and twos.”

“The last time Scotland was looking for independence we simply would have gone around chopping heads off if we thought there was actually any chance of it happening,” continued the posh twat. “But that was the 1970s, now we have mobile telephones and interwebs you’d never get away with it, the modern day Consevative Party just can’t cover up scandals like they used to back in Baroness Thatcher’s glory days.”

Vince Watson, a Scottish DJ, producer, YES campaigner and kilt wearer, responded to the announcement, “If the Royal Family think a little thing like cutting off the supply of Pioneer DJ equipment to Scotland is going to stop us voting yes they’ve got another thing coming, if they had of really wanted to hurt us they could have stopped sending us Buckfast, this will have no impact at all.”

“For centuries they’ve told us what to do, what DJ equipment to use and where to use it,” claimed Watson passionately. “Today that ends, I see a whole army of Scottish DJs in front of me. Vote no and you may be able to continue using Pioneer equipment but vote yes and DJ a free man, with slightly inferior equipment. They can take our DJM 1000s, they can take our CDJs, they can take our EFX 1000s but they’ll never take out freedom!”