A former member of the UK Church of Rational Satanism has spoken out about his recent “meow meow binge” involving five g’s of crystalised mephedrone, a shoddy house party in Bracknell and a chance encounter with the creator of the universe.
“I picked the gear up with two mates behind the One-Stop off the main high street in Crowthorne,” revealed Adam, a dark arts enthusiast from Wokingham. ”We’d been advised that five grams each would have us pranging off our bonce’s and would keep us at a steady buzz for the best part of thirty six hours. Naughty,” he added with a wink which showed a Nandos’ levels of cheekiness.
Wunderground learned that the three bed semi-detached shithole in question gave refuge to a host of burners and dose-heads in an utterly dreadful day session.
“The second bedroom on the first floor was poppin’. Someone was playing fat techno and we’d smashed over half our shit by 4pm,” recounted the twenty six year-old. “I remember clutching a red striped pillow for what felt like hours, cross legged on the fag butt stained floor thinking I was alone in the room. Even though there was a fuck ton of wreck heads taking up every bit of available carpet space.”
Sources close to Adam claimed “the prick” had actually been sexually harassing a ninteen year old girl in a red striped dress for two hours, only stopping to “sniff the rest of his drone off an empty milk carton”.
“Then I saw bright lights, I couldn’t see the room or my pillow anymore. That’s when HE spoke to me… I could hear HIS voice, but there was no physical form,” continued Adam.
The mephadrone user went on to quote God, “Cor you’ve got yourself in a right fuck-pit mate. You went through that bag like a Dyson on a kitchen floor covered in peppercorns. Put down the bath salts shit-lord, you need to get real. From this day forth you will follow god and only gods teachings.”
Adam now keeps a Bible by his bed but admits that keeping off the gear has been tough and revealed that he’s snorted more lines off the Bible’s hardback cover than he has read passages from it’s scripture.
“Yeah I mean it’s like everything you know, only in moderation. If I’ve got my vallies then I can stay off the harder stuff for the most part of the week. It’s all thanks to the strength I’m given from the almighty above.”
