Scientists in America claim they have developed a new line of super strong ecstasy that also works as a penis enlarger.
Unlike regular ecstasy, which is known to shrink the male reproductive organ, the new pill is reported to contain “super secret sciency stuff” which improves both length and girth of the user’s penis.
Leading scientician and avid ecstasy user Mike Roddick explains, “As somebody who has suffered a number of embarrassing pill willy incidents over the years, I’ve been looking at ways to reverse the shrinking effect ecstasy had on my penis for some time now.”
“Early last year we had a major breakthrough and discovered that we could not only stop the shrinking effect but also increase the size of the penis,” explained Roddick. “I’d heard that elephant ivory has all sorts of medicinal powers and was used as a penis enlarger in parts of China, and I’d also heard that ivory was made from the same stuff as human nails so I decided to grind up my toenail clippings and add them to a batch of pills.”
“The results were amazing,” continued Roddick enthusiastically. “We tested the pills on some mice and they started to have an effect on them almost instantaneously. After a couple of weeks of continuous use were seeing mice with six or even seven inch cocks and, most importantly, the ecstasy lost none of its potency.”
“Last week I double dropped, had a great night and woke up the next day with an extra half inch tagged onto the end of my johnson,” claimed Roddick. “There’s no better way to beat a comedown than realising your cock has grown overnight. These pills, and everyone who takes them’s penis, are going to be huge.”
According to Roddick, keratin, the main ingredient in toenail clippings, has an aphrodisiac effect on women, meaning that men who take the pills will be more likely to get a chance to use their recently enlarged manhood.