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Scientists Prove Free Drink Tastes 99% Better

Scientists Prove Free Drink Tastes 99% Better

A team of top scientists have proven beyond all reasonable doubt that drink taste 99% better when it is free.

Speaking at the Annual Scientists’ Piss Up, researcher Dick Hambone, confirmed what many people around the world would claim to already know.

“It’s definitely true, free drink tastes far better than drink that was paid for,” claimed Mr. Hambone while guzzling back his twelfth glass of complimentary Cava. “It’s not rocket science at all, it’s biology. Our brains and mouths are working in tandem. When we taste something nice our brain releases a number of endorphins that heighten the experience for us.”

“So, as you can probably imagine, when we taste something that tastes nice and our brain knows we’ve gotten it for free, we get an extra surge of endorphins which make your body believe that the free stuff actually tastes better than the paid for stuff,” he continued while swilling down as much free booze as physically possible.

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“And if there’s a steady enough supply of it, like here, you can actually get a hell of a lot more drunk from it too,” he added while tying his tie around his head in a Rambo like fashion. “All we need now is for a few chemists to show up and make us some free drugs, which actually taste 200% better, and this will be the best Annual Scientists’ Piss Up of all time!”

According to colleagues of Mr. Hambone, the scientist also proved that hangovers caused by free booze can be up to thirty eight times more concentrated than regular hangovers but are easily treated with a complimentary mini-bar.

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