SFX Entertainment have continued their quest to consume every music festival ever known to human existence, like an unquenchable black hole, by buying the rights to the very first festival to be held in the proposed Mars One colony at some point in the future.
The fact that the colony is still only theoretical did not seem to bother SFX who spared no expense in finalising a deal thought to be in the region of $5 million yesterday evening.
SFX spokesperson Judy Zimmerhoffer spoke to Wunderground earlier, “This is great news for the future people of Mars. I’d imagine it’s going to be pretty boring up there so to know that corporations like ourselves are looking out for their entertainment needs must feel like a great weight lifted from their shoulders, although the gravity up there is so thin it probably wouldn’t have seemed all that heavy in the first place.”
“$5 million may seem like a lot of money to spend on something that might not even happen to lowly paupers like yourself, but for us it’s a mere drop in the Oceanus Borealis,” continued the business fat cat. “You can’t put a price on being a part of history. Do you think Lee Harvey Oswald was worried about the price of bullets when he shot President Kennedy? Probably not.”
“The festival will be held on Mars’s North Pole and it’ll be a full weekend event,” explained Miss Zimmerhoffer. “We were hoping to offer a camping option but the surface temperature at night is about -200 degrees F so that’s probably not going to be possible.”
“We won’t actually be able to bring any artists to Mars to play the festival,” confirmed Zimmerhoffer. “Although a number of the industry’s biggest names have agreed to give us a copy of whichever pre-recorded mix they’re using at the time. They’ll be sent to Mars with some cardboard cutouts so it’ll be practically impossible to tell they’re not actually there.”
Although alcohol is likely to be prohibited in the Mars One colony it is understood there will be a number of oxygen bars at the festival, serving up to fifty different flavours of oxygen and helping to keep festival goers alive in an atmosphere that contains 95% carbon dioxide.
