There was widespread shock across the country last night as a group of young people pre-drinking before a night out were all miraculously ready to leave the house when the taxi arrived.
Its the first time in recorded history that such an event has occured, claim sociologists, who say that ordinarily there’s massive confusion as to what time the taxi is arriving, how many will fit in it and who’s going with who.
“Regardless of how early into a pre-lash you order the taxis and everyone agrees on an acceptable time to head to the club, there are inevitable delays and not everyone will be ready,” claimed sociologist at the University of West England in Bristol, Sam Drake. “We always thought it was just one of those weird unexplainable things like Nasdaq or David Cameron.”
“But we were shocked to discover that last Friday night in a house just off campus a group of around 12 young people all managed to enjoy a pre-lash session of skulling cans, cackling and listening to The Arctic Monkeys before finishing their drinks promptly and being ready to leave when the taxi came at 12am.”
“All of the people involved had their belongings with them, knew where the taxis were going and who was sharing with who,” continued Sam. “It’s the first time in recorded history that that’s ever happened anywhere.”
Some of the students who were there spoke to Wunderground and admit that they were as shocked as anybody when it all happened so efficiently and without needless drama.
“Normally it takes us a good five to ten minutes to get our shit together and leave the house,” claimed 22-year-old psychology student Matt Maher. “It was my place where we were pre-gaming and typically I’ll leave something on or forget my ticket but this time everyone just left at the allotted time like functioning adults. It was mad.”
“At one point we thought Dave had forgotten his phone and would have had to run back and get it but it was in his jacket pocket,” added Matt. “Even Mark, who’s normally pushing out a quick pre-game shite so that he doesn’t have to use the toilet in the club was ready.”
“I think they deserve a medal for being on time,” declared Sam. “Or at least some kind of monument placed outside every halls of residence in the country showing people how to be on time for a taxi by downing their cans really quick and patting their pockets to make sure they have everything.”
