There was widespread shock and disbelief today as a young clubber was seen to purchase an ecstasy pill that actually contained some MDMA.
Kevin Young claimed that he bought five pills outside a nightclub from a man wearing a white overalls with a smiley face etched on the back in piss and a gas mask but never got a look at his face.
“It’s certainly a paradigm shift in the clubbing world, the first actual pill I’ve ever come across,” claimed 25-year-old Kevin, who has been doing pills for the last four years, never once coming across an actual pill. “To be honest I don’t even know if I’ll actually do them as I think it’s so important that it belongs in a museum.”
“You think you’ll live to see some marvels, space travel, head transplants, a woman in a position of power but never do you expect something so extraordinary like this,” he continued. “When I tested one of the pills it had as much as 15% MDMA in it, that’s the most that’s been recorded in a decade. Amazing.”
Observers in the scientific community have described the odds of getting a pill that contains actual MDMA as being equal to the number of atoms in the universe multiplied by the number of people who actively despise Katie Hopkins.
“We’ve all just known and accepted that the pills we bought now were stepped on crap,” explained Pharmacology postgraduate James Hivern. “Likely not even to contain MDMA but substances close enough in effect so as not to make us care too much but the fact that a pill has been discovered with actual MDMA changes everything.”
Police are said to be trying to track down the source of the chemist who manufactured the pill, for purposes of pinning a medal to his chest and asking him if he can get any more.
Read: Quality Of Ecstasy Determined By “Chunkiness”
More: Super Strength UPS Ecstasy Tabs Leave Hundreds Dead Happy To Finally Have Decent Pills Again
