Skrillex Marries Mop
US EDM star, Skrillex, has broken the hearts of those who find half-haircutted, spectacle-clad, laptop jockeys sexy by becoming married to a mop with whom he had been having a three year affair.
Skrillex, real name Sonny, married the mop in front of friends and family after the three year courtship which sources have described as “like something out of a fairy tale, specifically one of the ones with things that come to life”.
Friends say that Skrillex and the mop, Sheila, became involved after meeting backstage at one of his concerts in Anaheim California, where she was working as a janitor’s spill wiping tool.
“It’s the original tale of star-crossed lovers, he was a superstar DJ playing to thousands of fans while she was just a lowly cleaning utensil, wiping up urine, shit and vomit and living in a broom cupboard with her best friend, bleach.”
“Skrillex just came along and plucked her out of obscurity, sort of like Pretty Woman except with a mop instead of a high class callgirl.”
Sources claims that Skrillex proposed by spelling out the words “Will you marry me” in his own piss and having Sheila mop it up.
“They’re so happy together and have a really adventurous sex-life,” continued the source. “She likes to get really dirty, and then clean it up afterwards.”
“She had been involved with a sweeping brush but the relationship had been going sour because they were too much alike,” claimed a source close to the pair. “Whereas with Sonny they’re not that alike at all. Although, even though she’s an inanimate object and he’s a DJ, they still have the same haircut.”
“She’s made in Japan but has been living and working in America for years,” added the source. “I’m sure they’re going to be really happily married together, she’ll keep a great home for sure.”
“His parents dote on her, sometimes they even spill stuff on purpose, just so she can fit in and have a place in the family,” added the source. “Now that she’s married to a superstar DJ I’m sure she can wipe up all the floors she wants, probably those expensive marble ones they have in hotels.”
The ceremony was a quiet affair attended by some close friends of Skrillex including Paris Hilton, Deadmau5 and Richie Hawtin while on the bride’s side it was attended by a bucket, some sponges and a rake.