The smoking area of nightclubs has emerged as one of the top places for lonely hearts to meet people who’ll also eventually die of a smoking related illness.
“I’ve just wanted to meet someone for so long and, as a smoker, it’s important for me to meet someone who’ll be able to nurse me through my early death of emphysema with a degree of understanding and patience,” explained smoker Angela Jones (32), who met her boyfriend in a smoking area and now regularly do fun activities together like “smelling of stale ashtrays”, “getting sore throats” and “being bitchy when making the thrice annual week-long attempt to quit”.
“I met my wife in the a smoking area about 6 years ago,” offered fellow smoker Paul Hyland. “We had the best relationship ever and spent every waking moment together until she died painfully after a long battle with throat cancer last summer.”
“I’d definitely recommend the smoking area as a place to meet people,” added Paul. “Particularly if you want that person to be a statistically higher risk of dying prematurely.”
“I met the love of my life and got to spend the rest of her life together, isn’t that what you’re aiming for when you make those tentative first moves,” he added.
“I’ve always heard that the smoking area is the go-to place for meeting new people,” suggested new smoker Harry, who hopes to meet Missus Right in a smoking area as he has trouble talking to people in any of the million other social settings where it’s possible to meet people. “But I’ve never smoked before so it was always out of bounds, but, if it means meeting someone with whom I’ll die young from a preventable disease then I’m willing to accept that.”
Reports claim that it’s easy to meet people in smoking areas because you can easily strike up a conversation about mutually common topics like “do you have a cigarette”, “need a light” and “statistically we’re more likely to die from a smoking related disease, would you like to come home with me?”
Picture via Rukes.com
