A doctor in Colombia has made the outlandish statement that smuggling coke up your arse actively reduces the risk of bowel cancer.
Dr. Federico Montana, who has close links to a prominent drug cartel, made the claims while speaking to a group of would-be drug mules at Bogota’s San Rafael Hospital earlier this week.
Mark Redden, a 21-year-old gap year student from Birmingham, England, was present at the meeting and is currently in preparation to make a transcontinental journey with the illicit drugs in his rectum.
“I’ve been in Colombia for almost eight months now,” explained Mark during a catch up with Wunderground. “I really love it over here and I’d like to stay a bit longer but unfortunately my money has nearly run out. I’ve heard people can make a lot of cash smuggling drugs, I always thought those people were stupid to take the risk but that was before I heard about the positive effects smuggling coke can have on your health. They don’t tell you that on Banged Up Abroad.”
“I’m definitely going to be smuggling coke in my bum a lot more often after speaking to Dr. Montana,” continued Mark. “He said that if I was to carry twenty five pellets of coke in my anal cavity twice a year, for the next ten years, I could completely eliminate the risk of bowel cancer and a number of other bowel related diseases, sure I might end up in prison for a few years but I’m willing to take that risk for the long term benefits.”
“Not only will I be doing my health a massive favour but the cartel will also give me five grand to fly to London and then pay for another flight back to Colombia a week later,” he claimed excitedly. “Then I’ll slowly give them the five grand back in exchange for cocaine before doing the whole process again in six months time. The deal is so good that I just said yes straight away, I didn’t want to give them any time to think about it in case they changed their minds.”
According to Doctor Montana, you can also reduce the risk of stomach cancer by swallowing large amounts of cocaine and completely eliminate the risk of skin cancer by strapping four kilos of the drug to your body.
