Unconfirmed reports from across the Atlantic suggest there is some sort of popularity contest happening over there within the next week.
While it is still unclear what the purpose of the popularity contest is, it is likely that its results will be met with joy by most Americans, who will be “just happy that it’s all over”.
“I can’t really remember what this whole thing is about,” claimed American burger eater Bill Schmuckhousen. “It’s like when you’re arguing with your wife for so long you can’t even remember what the initial argument was over, so you just give her half your potato chips to shut her the hell up and get on with things.”
“I know I’ve got to choose something but I can’t remember what,” continued Bill. “I can’t stop thinking of the Southpark episode with the giant douche and the turd sandwhich, only it’s not quite that, it’s more like having to choose between an abscess or an ingrown toenail or, worse still, aids and cancer.”
“Either way it’s not going to turn out pretty but we just have to make the most of what we’ve got and choose the best of a bad bunch,” claimed a rather forlorn Schmuckhousen. “I just hope I can remember what it is that I’m voting for when the time comes.”
According to fifteen year old political commentator Ethan Swank, the popularity contest is actually a presidential election despite its “tit for tat demeanour”.
“This presidential race may have about as much credibility as a fairground Punch and Judy show,” claimed Swank, “but the reality is, the outcome of this election will have an unprecedented effect on the world. It’s hard to understand how, in a nation of over three hundred million people, we are left to choose between these candidates. If you ask me, we’d be better of getting rid of them all together and letting a headless chicken run the country.”
