In the world of social media there are literally all manner of people – most of whom you barely know and probably wouldn’t speak to in daily life but whose innermost lives are bared for all to see on Facebook and Twitter. Today’s Stereotypical is all about those people that love to bare all on social media sites – the skeleton’s out of the closet, and it’s got a Pinterest account – it’s the attention seekers of social media…
A cab driver once recounted to me a pithy observation about kids, he said that kids are a lot like farts….you can just about stand your own. I want that cab driver to take that message of disinterest and tell it to all the mothers on Facebook who incessantly post about their kids. Honestly, no one else – immediate family aside – really gives two wet shits about your kid. We get it, you’ve a kid and it’s the greatest thing that’s ever happened to you and your own life is so in perspective etc etc but we don’t need to hear about it all the time, we know you’re proud and love your kid, that’s essentially a given, you don’t need to constantly update us. Unless of course you actually don’t love you kid and are overcompensating. In which case you fooled me.
What’s worse than posting gushing, saccharine updates about your kids?? Replacing the word “kid” with “pet”, that’s what. Photos of your pet, little jokes about your pet, posts admonishing people who don’t like animals…and it goes on like that. Photos are at a push, for people, not dogs or cats or goldfish. When was the last time you visited a friend who you hadn’t seen in ages and spent a quiet afternoon leafing through photo albums of his pet?? Never, that’s when. I just dread the day when those people have kids. As I’m sure the pet must as well. That pet will be forgotten pretty fucking sharpish that day.
But hey it’s understandable, you’ve got a kid or a pet that you love and your heart is in the right place so I get it, you want to talk about them. But what is most annoying is people talking about themselves in an oblique, help-me-I’m-so-sad kind of way – the cryptic poster. You know who I’m talking about. The needy, attention seeking cretins who constantly post cryptic statements about how tragic their lives are that you then have to decipher like a cryptologist. They’ll say something like “Feeling sad” – and that’s it, with no other reference to what is causing them to be sad. Why would they do this? For attention, that’s why. If you’re sad then go to a friend or a counselor if you need to, not Facebook. Next time you encounter a “feeling sad” post from someone you would not be remiss to ponder the questions, “Why are you sad? Is it because of your shit life and crap personality?” They need to be told in fairness…
More next week!
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