In a bizarre turn of events, EDM shit-whistle Steve Aoki is reportedly still under the illusion that people like him.
Despite having no friends, Aoki, pictured above with best friend Steve Aoki Junior, still sees himself as a popular guy and claims to have a “full and exciting” social life.
Contrary to Aoki’s claims, the DJ has recently been spotted dining, attending award ceremonies, movie premiers and other private functions alone, on numerous occasions.
Holder of the World Record for biggest number of friends accumulated over the course of a life, Bill Murray, spoke to Wunderground about Aoki’s position, “Well it’s a bit of a strange one alright. Usually when you’re rich friends come quite easily. I’ve got quite a lot of friends, most of them are genuine but there are a certain few who are only hanging around for the money.”
“So you’d think with all of Aoki’s money he would, at least, have a couple of cling ons following him everywhere he goes,” continued Murray. “But he seems to be on his own most of the time. I guess it’s because he likes to talk about his music a lot, which, in all fairness, is probably enough to drive even the most loyal of friends away.”
According to experts, Aoki’s unpopularity isn’t exclusive to his private life, with a number of professionals from the music industry now refusing to work with the Florida native.
“I’ll never work with him again,” claimed sound engineer Nick Holmes. “I’ve got nothing against the guy himself, he seemed OKish, if not a little unusual. It was the music. I never want to hear anything like that ever again in my life.”
“As a sound engineer I try to stay open minded about all styles and genres of music,” claimed Holmes, voted Las Vegas’s top sound engineer for the last three years running. “But the stuff that guy plays is abominable, I thought I was having some sort of brain hemorrhage when his set started. I only realised after about twenty minutes that it was just the music.
“At least with a hemorrhage I probably would have passed out or died or something but with the music I had to put up with it for a full hour. After that day I promised myself I’d never work with him again.”
Latest statistics indicate that ninety percent of adults at Steve Aoki shows are actually there to see someone else on the lineup, while the other ten percent are there supervising a child.