A planned greatest hits collection by EDM cake-flinging embarrassment Steve Aoki is actually just a blank CD, it has emerged.
A press release for the upcoming album erroneously states that the collection will contain some of trust-fund baby Steve’s greatest hits, despite the fact that he’s had none.
Attempts to think of popular Steve Aoki songs have proven fruitless for compilers who resorted to googling his name in the hope of finding at least one definite hit, but they were only able to find silly videos of him throwing cakes and hanging out with people more famous than him like it’s a big deal.
“We were going to put some hits on there but there weren’t any,” explained one programmer. “In retrospect we should probably have waited til he had some hits and then used them, or just compiled a Youtube fail playlist of Steve’s onstage antics and marketed that.”
Music scene commentators were equally confused by the existence of a greatest hits collection for Mr. Aoki, expressing misgivings that it was possible to record the sound of a cake hitting a face and call it music.
“I know who he is because of the backlash online to his existence and I’m aware that he acts vaguely moronic onstage but even with that kind of knowledge of who he is I’ve never heard a single hit from him,” offered one observer.
“Aoki releasing a greatest hits collection is like an overweight, middle aged football fan releasing a 100 best goals compilation that he made using kidsized goalposts in his backgarden,” he added. “Except at least that tape would actually has something on it.”
“A more accurate greatest hits collection for someone like Steve Aoki would be a compilation of all the embarrassing and regrettable things he’s done on stage like floating around on an inflatable raft while spilling champagne on dumb kids who gave him money for the privilege of having stuff thrown at them while a mix CD plays.”
Not everyone was as dismissive of Aoki’s plans to release the greatest hits collection with some calling the planned release “genius” and the “pinnacle of EDM culture”.
“I think it’s amazing, it’s such a ballsy statement, most greatest hits collections actually contain hits but Steve’s is just a blank 39 minutes of white noise,” gushed one fan who pointed to ‘money’ as his favourite thing about EDM.
“The fact that someone like Steve can market themselves so well on so little really shows you how far EDM has come as a corporate entity designed to turn profit while giving absolutely nothing back,” he concluded. “By releasing a greatest hits CD in lieu of actually having hits, Steve is confirming that EDM isn’t about music or culture or art, it’s about making money for doing very little.”
