England’s pride and future star DJ, Steven Gerrard, was left in tears for the second time this summer when during a recent DJ set at the England squad’s base in Portugal an especially slippy slipmat caused a track to jump forward when he was trying to cue it in.
Witnesses claim that the Liverpool footballer was playing a set in the team hotel when the incident occurred during a mix of New Order’s World In Motion.
“Everyone watching was just embarrassed and mortified for him,” explained fellow scouser Wayne Rooney, who wasn’t dancing for fear of breaking a metatarsal. “It was especially devastating for him because he had repeatedly insisted that the record ‘does not fucking slip.'”
“You could just tell from Stevie’s face that he knew it was lost as he stared out into the crowd of heartbroken clubbers,” continued Rooney who said that mere moments before Gerrard had been kissing the crest of his jersey and sauntering around like a man upon whom glory was destined to finally be bestowed.
“He thought he had the DJ set won before the slip so it was especially galling for him. He tried to manfully hide the tears but we could all see the tear streaks in the jersey when he emerged from the toilets.”
Reports from the England camp insist that the slip all but hands the title of best DJ in the England squad to hipster icon Daniel Sturridge who quickly took over on the decks to play an extended mix of Huxley’s Let It Go, seen by some as a direct taunt to Gerrard’s faltering DJ career.
“Everyone in the squad just feels bad for Stevie,” continued Rooney who insisted that Gerrard would not be speaking to the press ahead of this latest slip and is busy having a Skype chat with Luis Suarez who is reportedly devastated by the turn of events having been watching the set via a Boiler Room type live stream while he is resting up from surgery on a knackered knee. “This is the last chance that Stevie had to win a title as best DJ in an England World Cup Squad so he’s naturally devastated.”
“I don’t think this bodes well for England’s chances at the World Cup or Gerrard’s planned career as a superstar DJ,” confided gormless troll-faced BBC pundshit Adrian Chiles. “Beatmatching and cueing tracks are fundamentals of DJing that top DJ’s have to be getting right. To blame the slip on a loose slipmat is inexcusable.”
