Super Strength UPS Ecstasy Tabs Leave Hundreds Dead Happy To Finally Have Decent Pills Again

Hundreds of weekend drug users, or dance music fans, as they are otherwise known have reportedly been found dead happy after using high strength UPS pills that are flooding the market across Britain and Ireland.

“While the six young people in Middlesbrough were admitted to hospital for non-life threatening reasons suspected to be caused after they became overwhelmed by the strength of the pills, hundreds of others across the country have been found dead chuffed that pills are finally strong again and with ‘how fucking whomping they are,'” claimed a police source who says the ecstasy pills contain a mouthwatering three time as much MDMA as others on the market and are believed to have originated in Switzerland.

The pills, cut in the shape of the UPS logo, which first made an appearance a few weeks ago have since popped up all over the U.K. and Ireland with most clubbers purposely seeking them out after reading media reports on how “strong they were” and “brilliant they sounded” despite the fact that people took ill from taking them.

“I heard they hospitalised people,” claimed one unsympathetic clubber, 40-year-old James from Newcastle. “And not because of PMA or over-drinking, but because they were so strong, amazing.”

“I haven’t done pills in about five years,” claimed 30-year-old clubber Sam Lowe who read about the pills in Mixmag, “but that’s only because they’re gone shite. If these garry’s are three times as strong as the muck that is usually going around then I’m defo going to nail one.”

“All the media coverage is a great advertisement for the fact that proper strong pills are doing the rounds again,” he added. “Dealers must be delighted with the free promotion, there’s nothing like a bit of media hysteria to sell anything.”

Those who have taken the pills already are reportedly delighted with their heightened effects which they have variously described as “amazing”, “jaw-rattling” and “what should probably happen with every pill you take”.

“They’re dead good them,” chomped 27-year-old Liverpudlian clubber Steven Waldron while under the influence of the popular pills. “I only took one and it was like my first time again, proper rushes, euphoric feelings…they’re called ups for a reason!”

Most users have lamented the fact that when controlled by unscrupulous drug gangs the quality of ecstasy tablets can vary wildly with some containing toxic chemicals like PMA resulting in unnecessary deaths.

“Imagine all pills were made safely and with a set, referable strength,” pondered everyone who’s taken them. “Nobody would needlessly die, inadvertently fund crime or have a shit night.”

As with all drugs, users are advised to take these strong ecstasy in smaller doses in an appropriate setting, like a decent rave with plenty of strobes and banging tunes, while giving yourselves at least an hour to feel effects before redosing.