The world’s tedious people are still helpfully branding themselves for quick identification, it has emerged.
“Well, in the past it would be very difficult to spot a dreadful person because most people insisted on dressing the same either in social situations or at work,” claimed cultural commentator Slavoj Dudek. “The idiots of the world, free of their current signifiers of neck tattoos, ironic t-shirts and ear spreaders, were hiding in plain sight, just wearing suits or jeans. You’d have to be an exceptionally good idiot spotter to work out who was going to be depressingly up themselves and who wasn’t.”
“You’d have to wait until you talked to a person, heard their plans on opening their own tattoo parlour cum ice skating rink over a gin-infused herbal tea, before rightly deciding that that person was a cretinous personality-vacuum,” he continued. “Now though, they’re so easy to spot, you don’t even have to hear them speak to get depressed by their massive self-involvement and avoid them at all costs.”
“They’re actually doing us all something of a favour,” he continued. “Really they should be applauded but being unjustifiably confident millenial dweebs any mild praise is likely to set their self esteem even higher resulting in ever more elaborate levels of conformed individuality.”
A member of areshole community took time out of skateboarding into pedestrians and laughing while bumping ketamine to refute that they were idiots, explaining that dressing like an angsty teenager despite not being an angsty teenager is “like free expression or whatever”.
“I’m just like, dressing how I feel,” explained chief idiot, 35-year-old Outspan Roderick who still lives with his parents in their comfortable middle class home. “My tattoos, pink hair and nose ring are all anti-conformist expressions against like how capitalism is bad yeah? I read that on my expensive MacBook.”
