A British teenager has reportedly spiked his recently divorced parents with pills in a last ditch attempt to see if they can patch things up.
Martin Broadstone, seventeen, took advantage of his younger sister’s birthday party, where both parents were attending, to slip the MDMA laced pills into his mother and father’s respective drinks.
“I was sure that giving my parents pills would help them put their problems behind them and make them fall in love all over again,” explained a naive Martin earlier. “I took my first pill about three weeks ago and I was on a proper love buzz, I ended up fingering Charlene Smith in a bunker on the pitch and putt course, she’s not even fit, that’s how powerful pills are.”
“I got myself a couple of silver bars, crushed them up nicely and tipped them into my mum and dad’s wine at Stacy’s birthday party,” he continued. “I really thought it was going to work too, the early signs were good but then my mum started tripping out and talking to the fridge, she ended up stripping down to her underwear and running into the neighbour’s back garden looking for unicorn eggs. It was a complete disaster.”
According to Martin’s father, Chris, he and his ex wife had a “great night” but don’t plan on getting back together any time soon.
“It was brilliant, Martin thought we wouldn’t know he spiked us but we were young in the 90’s, we’ve done more pills than he’s had hot dinners. That was the first one I’ve done since before the kids were born so it was nice to be reminded of how much fun they are,” explained Chris. “Poor Mary was in an awful state, she was never able to handle her pills, one time back in the 90’s she thought a policeman was a Christmas tree and tried to take his boots off because she thought they were presents, it wasn’t even Christmas.”
“The kids don’t know but I ended up shagging her after the party,” revealed Chris with a smile. “She’s still a goer that one! It was definitely a mistake, the next morning was so awkward but for one little moment it felt just like the old days, then she started nagging me about not putting my dirty socks in the wash basket so I gave her her taxi fare and told her to fuck off.”
