A man who showed up to a party with nothing but a packet of cigarette papers and a lighter has irritated other party goers by making the glaringly obvious statement that the cocaine being consumed “smells lovely”.
House and cocaine owner, Peter Bell, was said to be extremely irked by the observation, claiming that he “knew the coke smelled lovely” after he had paid “two hundred fucking euro” for it.
“I don’t even know who your man was,” claimed Bell. “He came back with a friend of a friend, he seemed alright at first but then he started talking and it soon became clear that he was an absolute tool. Honestly, I only offered him a bit of coke because I felt sorry for him.”
“After that there was no getting rid of him. He was hanging around me like a pedophile at a One Direction fan club meeting ,” explained Bell. “He kept coming up to me and asking for more, saying ‘I don’t usually like drugs but that coke smells lovely’.”
“He was being a total bum and annoying everyone in the house,” claimed Mr. Bell. “At one stage he was walking around with a pack of skins in his hand asking people for a smoke for a joint and then just smoking the cigarettes. He didn’t even have any weed. The fucker was scabbier than Paris Hilton’s minge so I decided to shut the cunt up and gave him a big banger of ketamine the next time he asked me for coke,” he continued with a smile.
“Needless to say that was the end of his annoyingness, me and a couple of the lads actually had quite a good laugh watching him try to crawl through the kitchen wall for the next couple of hours,” he cheerily recounted. “After he finally came out of his K hole it wasn’t long before he left.”
“It’s another feather in the hat of ket if you ask me,” continued Bell, “Not only is it a tranquillizer and a party drug but it can also be used to remove a massive pain in the ass.”
