Reports have emerged today which claim that Radiohead frontman Thom Yorke is turning into a middle aged spinster.
The transformation, believed to be an extremely rare form of unintentional sex reversal, has seen the lop eyed singer slowly turn into a forty five year old menopausal spinster named Deirdre.
“It started happening after the release of In Rainbows,” claimed bandmate Jonny who says that the album title was a reference to the Wizard of Oz song Somewhere Over The Rainbow, a movie that Thom became increasingly obsessed with. “It’s been progressively more pronounced over the last few years culminating in him dressing as a woman and buying floral gowns, drinking red wine in the afternoon and watching soap operas and cookery programmes.”
Reports claim that his penis is reversing back into his body to form a fanny like hole but one that he uses to store guitar picks and car keys rather than tampons and a man’s penis.
“He’s been keeping cats and smells vaguely of cough drops, cheap perfume and menopause,” continued Jonny. “It’s strange, the cats are all named after Radiohead tracks and colour coordinated depending on how depressing the songs they are named after are, meaning all of them are either black or very, very, very dark grey.”
“He has the sandpaper skin, bulging veins wispy facial hair of a mother of six in her fifties or man in drag,” explained Jonny. “It’s weird but we’re adjusting to him spitting on tissue and wiping our faces and being excited by doilies. I think Radiohead fans, famed for their depressing sincerity, will be completely open to Thom’s transformation.”
“They stuck with us after Kid A so they’ll stay with us for this,” he added.
