Thousands of young women across the world are in a coquettish fluster about which outfit they should wear for this year’s Hallowe’en festivities with most torn between dressing either “sexy or scary.” Every year at this time young women are forced to decide on whether to dress overtly sexually in costumes unrelated to Hallowe’en or whether to dress in the true spirit of the festival in a scary costume.
“I’m still a bit unsure,” claimed student Jessica Ames. “I don’t really like to not dress sexy on Hallowe’en. I always feel like I’ve missed an opportunity to show off my body if I don’t dress as a French maid or some other demeaning male fantasy. I mean Hallowe’en isn’t some pagan ritual devoted to the spooky world of spirits, it’s a chance to dress as an overly sexualised Disney character.”
“Well I’m slightly overweight according to the body shape paradigm that fashion magazines dictate,” claimed blogger Dana Scharff. “So I’ll probably dress as something scary, or funny. Those are the only choices really if you can’t fit into an outfit that comes in one size and is designed for foreplay. I suppose I’ll just go as a Velma from Scooby Doo while my tall and skinny friend Beccy goes as Daphne. Again.”
“Just because I purchase my Hallowe’en outfits in adult sex shops does not make them any less appropriate for Hallowe’en,” Jessica said defending her costume choices. “I bought this really classy Snow White outfit there. Admittedly it wasn’t a long gown like in the original film but if they made that movie nowadays she would so be in a bra and thong, twerking throughout the musical interludes.”
“Last year I wore a nurse’s outfit and people claimed that it wasn’t scary enough,” continued Jessica. “But when you think about it, what’s more scary than a nurse? Yeah sure there are male fantasies of sponge baths and hand jobs but nurses don’t actually perform gratuitous sex acts on patients. They’re much more likely to stick a big needle into your arm to take a blood sample or tell you that you’ve contracted herpes. And take it from me, herpes is not sexy.”
“Maybe I’ll just put on a tight fitting outfit with a few tears, gashes and splashes of blood on it,” concluded Jessica. “I’ll add some spooky, yet sexy eye make up and then I can be scary and sexy at the same time. Like Sarah Palin.”
