News breaking in Washington just now has confirmed that the tightest ever race for a Democratic presidential candidate is to be decided by a dance off.
Hillary Clinton seemed certain to take the role but a late popularity surge for Bernie Sanders, following an incident in Colorado where the seventy four year old dressed as KFC’s Colonel Sanders and handed out free chicken, left the primaries race too close to call.
According to our political sources, Sanders is now the clear favourite and is likely to win the chance to enter the race to be the next President of the United States of America alongside billionaire piss-sack Donald Trump.
“I cant see any way the B-Man is going to lose this race,” confirmed Hector, who sells hot dogs outside the White House. “He’s been cutting some serious shapes around all the clubs in Brooklyn recently. He has this weird kind of line dancing crossed with body popping style, it’s totally unique. Clinton can’t compete with that shit, the best she has is a thirty second twerk. Her ass is going to get Bernd.”
Initial reports indicate that the dance off will be held at Electric Daisy Carnival Festival in Las Vegas next weekend and will be accompanied by a short guest mix from Dash Berlin.
President Barack Obama, who will be joined on the dance off’s judging panel by Caitlyn Jenner, Dick van Dyke and Vin Diesel, spoke to Wunderground earlier,” I think a dance off is a great way to settle it. If only they’d started doing this earlier, as the only black man in American politics I would have won every election I ever took part in.”
“My money’s definitely on Bernie,” continued the President. “Unless they put a stripper’s pole in for Hillary, she really knows how to work it on a pole, but I can’t see that happening, it’s too hard to install them outdoors.”
According to rumours, if the dance off proves to be successful all future presidential candidates could be chosen based on their dancing ability rather than the lies they tell.
