The concept of measuring time was rewritten over the weekend as a group of friends on a work night out abandoned traditional units of hours and minutes in favour of judging how much time had elapsed on the number of pints they had drank.
“We weren’t there long when we all started to judge time differently,” explained 25-year-old son of two, Mark Chambers, who claims that this method of judging time is more accurate and fun than previous methods. “I was probably only about two pints deep – so that’s about three quarters of an hour in old time – when I decided to determine how long had elapsed in the night on the amount of gargles I’d thrown down me.”
“Each pint is equal to about 20 minutes of old time,” continued the young free-thinker. “It depends on the person though, slow drinkers tend to experience they’re night passing more slowly than the quicker ones like me.”
Some other methods of measuring time based on how much a person has consumed that Mark has experimented with include swapping hours for how many lines of cocaine or ketamine you’ve done and pills you’ve necked.
“So, if you’re out clubbing with mates and mangled off your chops on some speckled magic, if you’re asked the question ‘are you here long’ you would be able to respond ‘I’ve been here for about two pills, a half gram of ket and 6 pints,'” explained Mark. “Or you could just mumble incoherently with a wide-eyed jaw rattle and they’d understand what you meant.”
In much the same way that time is relative to each observer in Einstein’s conception of time, using this method doesn’t defy the established laws of physics as time remains relative.
“Well you might be two pints deep at one point in the evening but Graham or Sam, who have been out for the entire day, might be eight or even nine pints in,” explained Mark. “While you’re both experiencing the same moment in time you’re each experiencing it differently based on how pissed up you are.”
