Belgian EDM fest Tomorrowland has this week been voted the world’s most popular festival among people who don’t really know festivals.
The ID&T curated event, which now hosts weekends of EDM several weekends of the year on four continents, was named the most popular festival in the world this weekend – much to the delight of people who don’t really get what festivals are about.
“Yeah it’s amazing, I love festivals where the main stage is populated exclusively by a team of expensively assembled pop DJs who’ll all play largely identical sounding sets while I pop molly, flex my ceps and ogle girls dressed in strings,” claimed Tomorrowland raver, 22-year-old Killian Maguire. “I’ve been four times now and each time I get the best Instagram snaps and come home with an STI, so you know you’ve had a good one.”
“Last year I actually got two infections of the penis,” he added. “It was amazing, all my mates were so jelly that I was getting dick rot from all the mad pussy.”
“That’s what festivals are all about, getting wrecked on pills and trying to find someone to fuck you,” he added. “I’ll definitely go back next year, I might try get an exclusive VIP package ticket cause you get a marginally better place to stay and can drink champagne! Which is a total baller move.”
Most of the people who voted for Tomorrowland have admitted that they’ve actually never been to a festival where more than one time of bland pop is featured and that the only other gigs they’ve been to were either One Direction or Taylor Swift.
“I’ve been to a ton of gigs so I know quality music when I come across it, last year I saw Mumford and Sons with my bros but this year I’m more into the EDM sound of Martin Garrix, that’s what the girls in my school are into so it’s what I’m into too,” concluded Killian. “I’ve heard of festivals like Glastonbury and Burning Man but they wouldn’t interest me, seem more like art shows where not enough people are getting wrecked and fucking each other.”
