Japanese car manufacturers Toyota have announced that they are set to launch a techno hatchback, that will only be available in black, called the Carola.
According to Toyota, the car will have a number of unique features including a voice activated sound system and a BPM counter instead of a speedometer.
Mishi Nitsoko, Toyota’s chief designer spoke to Wunderground, “This is probably the most exciting car we’ve launched since the Yaris. Our new voice activated sound system can be used by saying ‘music on’ while driving and our brand new BPM counter will be capable of doing zero to a hundred and twenty four BBM in nought point four seconds. It’s a techno enthusiasts dream.”
Car critic, and general all around Tory piss bucket, Jeremy Clarkson has slammed Toyota for making “another very average car”.
“Well if this isn’t the most mundane, boring, forgettable piece of rubbish I’ve ever seen I’m not a complete shit weasel, and I am, so this is,” ranted Clarkson, while taking a short break from blaming “foreigners” on the current state of the UK earlier. “The last thing the car market needs is another small, slow and frankly horrible hatchback, it doesn’t even have a spoiler. It’s shite!”
“The whole techno theme is very working class too,” continued Clarkson, who was having trouble keeping his saliva contained within his big stupid mouth while he spoke. “If you buy this car, you’re basically telling the world that you live in a council flat, are on benefits and had at least three children before you turned twenty one. It really is that bad.”