Former Republic of Ireland football manager, Giovanni Trapattoni, has today spoke of his relief to finally be free from the strains and stresses of international football management.
Trapattoni’s reign was brought to an end earlier today by FAI overlord John Delaney. Although the termination of Trap’s contract has been reported as a mutual agreement, the Italian pensioner has claimed that it was anything but an amicable split.
Trapattoni spoke of his ordeal, interpreted by the sultry Manuela Spinelli, “I have been trying to get away from football for a number of years now. Originally I was going to stay with Ireland for two years but John Delaney had me under some sort of spell, he’s obviously a Sith or a wizard or something.”
“While I was the manager of Red Bull Salzburg I had a lot of spare time and I had been working really hard producing some Italo House records. I was just about to retire from football and take my music to the next level when the FAI came in with their offer. I couldn’t resist one last paycheck. I had dreams of owning my own label and the money really would have helped,” he explained.
“People always accused me of spending my spare time in Italy when I was supposed to be working but in truth I was chained up in the FAI’s dungeons. Luckily enough for me I have perfect pitch so using my hands and feet as a drum kit, and my imagination, I was able to compose tunes in my head. It was the only thing that kept me sane,” he continued with a look of sheer relief in his piercing blue eyes.
“This morning I am a free man and now I will realise my dream of becoming a house producer. I have already sent demos to a number of label bosses and I have received some very encouraging feedback. I’m going straight into a studio to get some of these tunes down from my imagination while they are still fresh,” he continued with steely determination.
Reports suggest that the aptly named Italian house label Rebirth are set to offer Mr. Trapattoni the chance to have his music released on a well established label. Itsa Fakestori, a spokesperson for the label explained, “Rebirth is all about taking something old and making it into something new. So in many ways it’s perfect for Giovanni. When we heard of his traumatic time in Ireland we thought ‘we have to give this guy a shot.’ High profile cases like this usually work out great for everyone involved so if he’s happy with our offer we’ll start work straight away.”
