Towns and villages across the UK are set to be swept with a tidal wave of “tanned up wreckheads” this weekend, as thousands of Ibiza workers are expected to return home for the winter.
This is a typically common occurrence for the second and third week of October, in which “blokes with shit haircuts” and “scantily clad girls” come trapesing back to the UK expecting everybody to be “friendly” and “on the same vibe” as they are in Ibiza, without realising they will be faced with a nation of miserable fuckers going to work in the pouring rain every single day.
“I got back to London yesterday and have been called a cunt four times already,” said a confused James Cross, who had spent all summer working as a ticket seller in Playa d’en Bossa. “I got off my flight and caught the train back home and people were on my case from the word go. Apparently my zebra print shirt offended a man on the eight a.m. to Euston, and my tiny shorts weren’t appropriate for October in England. Roll on May when I can get back to Ibiza with decent people.”
“Me and the girls got back to Cardiff earlier this week and went job hunting,” confirmed twenty one year old Molly Brooks. “After chucking out a few CV’s, we went for a drink in Spoon’s. This turned into a few drinks and before we knew it, the ket was out and we were off our tits. It was a quality night but we’re all barred from that pub now.”
Wunderground spoke with fifty seven year old recruitment consultant, Tina Jones, from Chorley, England, with regards to returning party animals, “It’s the same every year,” she laughed. “They all come and see me looking for whatever job they can get. I have to tell the boys to sort their hair out and take off any tacky bracelets. The girls need to be told to dial down the make-up and cover up a bit more as it isn’t summer any longer. It’s all fun and games as we know that by May, they’ll all be gone and life in Chorley will return to normal for six months.”
