A Miami police officer has been suspended today after he was caught confiscating drugs for his own personal use – a fact which only came to light after he confused ecstasy with viagra, inflicting himself with a 6 hour public erection at Ultra.
Trooper David Graham, of Miami Beach Police, was suspended without pay pending a full investigation into what the media are dubbing “Wankergate”.
“A member of the service has been suspended on charges of illegal drug use and lewd behaviour,” read a police statement. “It is suspected that the office in question had been illegally confiscating drugs from Ultra attendees which he then kept for his own consumption.”
It is not yet known how long the officer had been ripping off local drug users but it is believed that, while called to police Ultra Festival, the officer confiscated 10 blue pills from some students and “double dropped” before removing his uniform and joining the EDM rave.
“This guy, who was obviously a cop from the shit haircut, clothes and the scumbag sense of superiority, started pushing his way into the middle of the dance floor,” claimed one witness. “So far so normal, but then it all started to kick off with this guy who told the cop to get his cock off his leg.”
“Presumably the cop leaned in to ask him for a lighter but his baton, ahem, rubbed against this guy’s leg,” continued the witness. “The guy then laid that cop the fuck out then yeah, cop’s just blitzed out from the punch, pitching a tent on the ground. Everyone just laughing.”
Witnesses claim that other officers on the scene responded to the incident and found Trooper Graham lying unconscious sporting a massive erection or “pants tent” in legal speak.
It is believed that this officer isn’t the first one who has confiscated drugs from the public exclusively for his own use – with a whopping 78% of all reported drug seizures going missing – but he is the first to have been caught so publicly.
“The officer will serve his suspension while the investigation is pending,” concluded a police statement. “This is a very serious offense and may result in the officer being stripped of rank.”
