Unborn Foetus To Make Beatport Top 10

An undeveloped foetus is this year expected to follow in the footsteps of Martin Garrix and Aiden Jude by releasing a monster electro-house track set to storm the Beatport Charts.

The as yet unnamed foetus reportedly recorded the track by kicking the wall of its mother’s uterus and mixing that with its own heartbeat and the heartbeat and soothing voice of its proud mother.

The track was snapped up by Dim Mak Records, keen to cash in on the niche factor of releasing a track by yet another ridiculously young producer, and has already been described as “the best thing you’ll hear all year” and like “Martin Garrix’s Animals except composed by a limbless zygote sucking nutrients from the wall of its mother’s womb”.

Dim Mak Records head muppet Steve Aoki lavished praise on the 16 week old pre-human, an aficionado of living inside another human in a liquid filled sac, saying “this producer is going to blow your mind. The kid hasn’t even formed opposable thumbs or a definite sex yet, you can’t get fresher than that”.

“It’s not exploitative or a gimmick at all,” he added. “Honest.”

The parents of the hot young producer, who currently receives all of his nutrients through an umbilical cord and placenta, say they plan to coincide the release of the track entitled “Still Born” with the birth of the child, estimated to be around July 7th.

“We’re hoping he or she will be able to play his/her first gig soon in time for the closing parties in September,” concluded Steve Aoki, “at that point we hope it’ll be able to spend long enough off of its mother’s tit to recognise and touch bright objects, like the play button on a CDJ.”