An up and coming American DJ is facing public execution after failing to put enough effort into the social media side of his job.
Aaron Spencer, a.k.a. DJ Spence, has come in for much criticism after failing to highlight every aspect of his professional and personal life on all platforms of social media.
“I used to like Aaron, and DJ Spence, but after he failed to make the effort on social media I just can’t really be bothered being his friend anymore,” explained childhood neighbour Adam. “Sure I’ve known the guy for about nineteen years and shared every meaningful moment of my life with him but if he can’t take three minutes, thirty times a day, out of his schedule to fill me in on what he’s doing, what’s the point?”
“I haven’t got a clue what he’s doing most of the time,” explained Adam, who claims to sick of worrying about his friend. “I couldn’t tell you a single thing he’s had for dinner in the last ten days, and the only reason I know what he had eleven days ago was because he was in my house and I cooked it, it was a pasta bake and I put it straight onto Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.”
“He hasn’t even created a fan page for his DJ alias,” scoffed Adam. “It makes me sick how he thinks he can just waltz through life without updating his Facebook or Twitter pages regularly. He doesn’t even have a smartphone. How does he get push notifications? It’s disgusting, he’s already dead to me.”
“I’m not sure if not putting enough effort into your social media is a crime punishable by death but it frigging well should be,” continued Adam melodramatically. “Sometime I just wish the ISIS would take him away and chop his head off, that would really teach him not to neglect his social media and also get him back for the time he fingered my girlfriend Stacy Parker behind the bike shed at Junior Prom.”
According to Wunderground’s foreign correspondent, Anita Break, the only way Mr. Spencer could face execution for his current crimes against social media would be if he was extradited to Saudi Arabia.
“They’ll kill you for just about anything over there,” claimed a tired looking Miss. Break. “But I don’t think they’ll agree to an extradition from America. There’s far too much weapons and oil exchanging hands to rock that boat so I can’t see it happening. Maybe try send him to Texas, there pretty crazy and stupid down there too.”
At the time of going to press, Mr. Spencer was alive and well, although his DJing career was pronounced dead earlier today after he failed to step up his social media game.
