The Vatican was at the centre of another drug scandal after a typical Sunday mass in Brazil turned into an all day rave following what is suspected to have been a batch of communion wafers that had been contaminated with MDMA.
This is the latest drug scandal to engulf the church since it was left red-faced after a box of condoms containing liquid cocaine destined for the Vatican was intercepted by German customs agents.
A Vatican spokesperson has denied that any drug taking went on at the Mass in Feira De Santa in the Bahia state of eastern Brazil insisting that it “was a regular mass that just happened to feature a lot of spiritual trance music and went on for over 24 hours.”
“The church does not condone the use of drugs either by its initiates or by the laypeople,” continued the statement. “Reports that a typical Sunday mass turned into an all day rave are plainly untrue and those claiming to the contrary are speaking falsely and shall be dealt with by the Church as well as the Lord himself.”
Despite the Church’s insistence that “nothing happened except an extended Mass” there are reports from those in attendance that the regular Sunday service at the Apisco Church in the city was in fact a “banging free for all” and the “best Mass ever”.
“I usually don’t much like Mass and only go out of guilt-fuelled tradition,” claimed attendee Reinaldo Cafu. “But this one was absolutely mind blowing. It started off as normal but once the communion wafers were distributed things got pretty crazy.”
Reinaldo believes that the communion wafers were spiked with liquid MDMA because according to him as soon as people took communion “everyone started really getting into the hymns and dancing happily”.
“I don’t know where the decks came out of but almost immediately there was a set of 1210’s Mk2’s hooked up to the speakers,” he continued. “They were mostly banging out Our Lord’s Prayer remixed with Adagio for Strings and other religious influenced trance tracks.”
Reinaldo insists that at one point the attending priest, Father Alex Rodriguez, began MCing over the beats “which really got the crowd hopping” adding that the fact “that he was spitting in Latin was a nice touch…proper old school”.
Other reports from the rave suggest that people began hugging and shaking hands saying “peace be with you” before being prompted by Father Rodriguez, further proving the belief that MDMA had been used to spike the communion wafers as it is known for its “love buzz” inducing qualities.
“It was the most spiritual, life affirming and godly experience I’ve ever had in a church,” concluded the 84 year old attending priest Father Rodriguez making a brief statement. “And I’ve been to the Vatican twice but it wasn’t a patch on this,” added the priest who says he has already had to start selling tickets for next week’s Good Friday 3 Day Extravaganza as it is being inundated with local ravers.
