A local inventor has accidentally used a personally modified version Flo Rida’s Beamz to shrink his own children down to the size of a small peanut or unusually big snot.
“I know that Beamz is just an elaborately orchestrated joke to make people who play it look awkward and silly,” crazy haired inventor, Dr. Alan Moranis. “That’s why Flo Rida is a comedy genius and something of a hero of mine. So much so that he inspired me to pick the name of an American state and cleverly separate the syllables to come up with my rapper name, Al Aska. Which is a big hit on karaoke nights,” continued the doctor. “That was why I bought the Beamz in the first place, to pay respect to a joke well executed.”
“When I tried it out, for a laugh, I found that it wasn’t actually that funny in real life, much like cancer or Michael McIntyre,” continued the inventor. “But I felt that with the right adjustments it could actually play music instead of just being a hilarious joke or cheap piece of gimmicky crap.”
Dr. Moranis then set about modifying the Beamz so that when he played it he didn’t look he was slapping a series of dwarfs. But in making his adjustments he accidentally over-amplified the power of the laser which, according to standard scientific knowledge, gives the laser the ability to shrink children.
“I realised then that there could actually be some commercial potential in a machine that shrinks and re-shrinks children,” Dr. Moranis enthused. “I still hadn’t figured out how to unshrink people though so, rather than wait for some other hip-hop star to bizarrely release a laser-based music product, I decided to set about figuring out how to make things large again.”
“My next door neighbour’s son, Ron, accidentally hit his baseball through my attic window and it landed on the modified Flo Rida Beamz,” recounted Dr. Moranis. “For some reason the material in baseballs helps to take away some of the excess energy of lasers so that instead of blowing stuff up, it shrinks it instead.”
“It was then that the kids went missing and I phoned my wife and said, “Honey, I’ve used the Flo Rida Beamz to mistakenly turn our normal sized children into tiny little children, I cried into the phone. Maybe the size of a peanut, or unusually big snot.”
“Thankfully after searching the house we finally found the children safe even though they were tiny. I also managed to figure out how to fix the machine so that it made stuff big again. I just used the baseball again. It was easy,” continued the happy inventor. “So now we’re back to being a happy family who now eat massive turkeys for Thanksgiving. And it’s all thanks to Flo Rida and his Beamz,” beamed Dr. Moranis.
“I’m in the process of patenting my product, can’t think of a catchy name yet but it’ll more than likely have the letter ‘s’ replaced with the letter ‘z’. That’s a clazzy move,” he laughed.
